Hi, How Are You?
Posted in I Rant by CujoApril 13th, 2006 - 10:13 AM
There it is. The question that when asked nobody really wants to hear the real answer to and most people don’t give the real answer either. You’ll get the canned response of “great”, “fine” “alright” or “not bad” and sometimes that’s followed by “how about you?”
It’s more of a thing you say in passing sometimes not even wanting the other person to respond but you need to say something to let the person know you recognized their existence. I’ve realized I’ve been asked this question countless times in the past week and in all politeness usually respond with “not bad, yourself?” But in all actually I should respond “horrible” or “feeling like shit” or a similar response but I don’t.
If you respond with your real feelings it’s sort of leaving the conversation open, is the original questioner now required to stop and have a conversation with you that they don’t want to have. Do you even really care how this other person feels? Why is that we usually hide our general emotions like that from people we deal with every day. Why don’t we tell our coworkers/bosses that we hate our job and detest the thought of even going to work in the morning?
It’s all politeness. We’re all working drones fighting through life doing what is considered normal. You wake in the morning, go to work at a job you either like (you lucky bastards) or hate, go home and repeat for 5 days a week just to get a check so you can pay for things that allow you to live. The fact that you need to live and provide means you can’t let your true feelings out to your coworkers/boss because you’re lucky enough to even have a job.
There’s plenty of other times where we don’t tell the truth in fear of burdening other people with how we really feel but is this the best solution to problems? Why is it that we can’t simply inform people that we don’t feel respected, we can’t do ten things at once and that we’re here more so because we’re required to be here and not that we want to be here?
Sometimes being polite simply sucks. Is this part of nice guys finish last?
And welcome to the first installment (not sure how many more there will be) of my new category I Rant. Basically they don’t really fit in most places and it’s just me talking nonsense.
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April 13th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
I know what you mean, by the way I’m not doing too bad at all!!!!
April 13th, 2006 at 7:58 pm
Several years ago, I ran into an old school friend down town. It was right in front of Top Hat actually and the same sort of conversation happened between us, although I could tell that she wasn’t really interested in finding out how I was doing, so I did what every person who thinks about this same thing does. I told her that I was horrible and that I had just killed the popes child in a jello experiment. I said it of course in a monotone voice with a happy expression. She was like “wow, that’s great. I’m glad to hear that your doing so well.” I then looked at her and said “You don’t really want to know how I’m doing do you?” she responded with “I’m doing great too.”
It was after this encounter that I decided that not only would I make a point of making people answer me with the truth, because when I ask, I WANT to know, but that I would also make a point of not falling prey my own making. I wouldn’t ask unless I wanted to know.
It’s been working pretty good for me so far.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
I was in to see my doctor last fall. He walked in with a, “Hi Anita, how are you?” to which I said, “When you say that to people, I bet they tell you the truth.”
Apparently they do. But then, I suppose that is to be expected. They wouldn’t be there if they were great, fine, alright, or not bad
Bit of a chuckle.
April 14th, 2006 at 1:53 am
Funny, not too many people ask me how I’m doing when passing; I’m forced to randomly stop strangers and out right tell them how I feel, what my goals and expectations of life are, and how I think these stranger’s presence will greatly alter and affect my life in the future. For some reason when I finish with my musing the person I stopped tends to be gone…..although once or twice they were still there and very interested. Granted, they turned out to be maniquins, but who am I to judge a person by the composition of their outer shell, really.
April 14th, 2006 at 6:37 pm
Interesting convo…
I think the next person that asks me that question i am going to be real… tell them exactly how i am doing and feeling at that moment.
and … Ross you are friggin hilarious!!!
April 14th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
I try to always be honest with people when they run that question by me. I’ll actually stop myself after saying “Fine, and you?” and actually follow up with “Well, really I’m not doing all that well.” If the person is worth my time, they’ll ask what is going on. If they aren’t, they usually feel so uncomfortable for NOT asking that they find a reason to leave, which is just as well.
It keeps my days simpler.
April 14th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
Thanks Mel, I got ahold of some of Jes’ “hogwarts”
;)….its goooood stuff man.
April 15th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
I have in the past if having a shitty day responded to the question “How are you?’ with “Do you want the polite answer the the real answer?”…reactions very depending on how close I am to the asker. True friends usually will go for the real answer because they care…
April 15th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
I usually answer ‘Do you want the truth or a cheerful lie?”
Usual reply… Cheerful lie.
So I say, “Whew, I didn’t have time to tell you the truth, anyway. Peachy. I’m just peachy.”
Thankfully, there aren’t actually a lot of people in this world who do actually care about how I feel. I run into so many people I am acquainted with that it would take me forever to get anywhere if I actually had to tell people what kind of day I’m having, especially with the nice, smooth-running adversities - er adventures my usual days are afflicted with.
I can just imagine it…
David Orazietti to me, “Hi Carol, how are you?”
Me, “Do you want the truth or a cheerful lie?”
DO, “The truth, of course!”
Me, “Well, my room mate set the kitchen on fire a few hours ago, when she was boiling water for Kraft Dinner for my kids and I was trying to fix the computer she infested with viruses while downloading music on Limewire. I put the fire out just as she hung up from a huge fight with her mother on the phone and just in time to tell her the kids hate Kraft Dinner and I only bought it for her. She stopped crying as I finished cooking the frozen pizzas and got Nova to stop colouring the dog. Then I unplugged the toilet and found my makeup compact and…”
Sometimes a polite lie is such a relief!
April 15th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
I usually just answer with “Exhausted” and people understand and agree and leave you alone.
April 15th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
I’ve always found a polite “moo” ends most conversations before they even begin. Moo.
April 16th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I think a much worse abuse of salutation is “What’s up”, “’sup”, or the dreaded “Wazzzzuuuup!!!”
That’s asking a whole lot in a nutshell, and your left wondering; are they just saying hello to me, or is this an interogation? I get hit with this on IM all the time. Drives me nuts.
April 16th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
I prefer to mix it up a bit actually, by throwing out the occaisional “What’s Shakin’, Bacon?” This lets people know that I’m thinking enough about their response to not only do away with the traditional “Hi how are you”, but I’m also going through the effort of rhyming….I’m like a poet disguised as a failed golf professional.
April 17th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
Okay, I’ve been horrible and haven’t responded but it’s been busy here lately. WOW. Lots of responses I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I’ll rant more often
August 29th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I added your site to my bookmarks. I’ve got this growing list I’ll actually be coming back to.
Yeah, other than the ones we all ignore. For know though I have to go back to work. No rest for the weary!